These Traits And Behaviors Make The Difference Between Good And Bad Neighbors: Block Talk

Lefty’s idea of a good neighbor is someone who is “responsible, respectful and empathetic to others’ viewpoint.”

But how could the Evanston (Illinois) Patch reader have known “that they don’t believe in window coverings or clothing.”

Could Lefty have avoided the retina assault by getting the intel on the neighbors before committing to a lease or mortgage?

Lefty is one of the respondents to our latest informal survey for Block Talk, Patch’s exclusive neighborhood etiquette column, We asked readers the traits of good and bad neighbors, and what they wish they’d known about the people living closest to them.

“Guess what? You can’t tell if neighbors will be good or bad,” said Karen, a Red Bank-Shrewsbury (New Jersey) Patch reader. “They all come with a smile on their face, initially. You only find out their personality later on.”

“As people move, others move in,” said Billerica (Massachusetts) Patch reader AD. “What was nice six years ago changed quickly when friends aged out to Florida and jerks moved in.

“Teenagers driving crazy around families walking toddlers in the suburbs is not a good recipe,” AD said. “Tearing down older homes and building ‘McMansions’ makes noise.”

Also, a chorus of barking dogs is like clockwork at 6 a.m. “Every morning!” AD said.

A good neighbor “is quiet, maintains property, and cares about the community,” said Narragansett-South Kingstown (Rhode Island) Patch reader Marie.

She has great neighbors now, but a “previous neighbor played music too late and too loud, another stayed up late to party outside, and another kept using my parking space without permission.”

If You Got ’Em, Don’t Smoke ’Em

Where there’s smoke, with from tobacco or week, there’s usually a bad neighbor, several readers said.

“Friendly, keeps a neat yard and a maintained home = good,” wrote Wykcoff (New Jersey) Patch reader Fafutnik. “Smokers, barking dogs, loud sounds regularly, aggressively rude = bad.”

Smoking is a deal killer for Fafutnik, who said, “Nice guy but he’s always smoking outside and it wafts over. Dude is a chain smoker and I feel like I’m having the cigarette when I’m trying to enjoy my backyard.”

Nature Girl had the perfect neighbor but also regrets not knowing how fragile the relationship was.

“I wish I’d known my new neighbor had stage 4 cancer because he was a kind, wonderful, friendly man. Very considerate and quiet,” said an Enfield (Connecticut) Patch reader who calls herself Nature Girl. “The home sold to a landlord and his tenants are drug users.”

That accounts for Nature Girl’s answer to Patch’s other question about the traits of good and bad neighbors.

“People who smoke marijuana are terrible neighbors,” she said. “Extremely inconsiderate!”

Bridgewater (New Jersey) Patch reader Eleda knows all about that.

“Good neighbors conduct personal business inside without swearing at each other. They do not sell weed to customers who come and go all hours of the day and night, and they do not have loud parties that last late into the night. They do not leave their dogs out to bark for long periods of time,” Eleda said. “Bad neighbors may do any of these things.”

“The traits of a good neighbor are that they respect each other’s privacy. They keep their dogs on a leash and in their own yards, not yours. They will stop and talk for a few minutes,” said Vernon (Connecticut) Patch reader Alison.

“A not-so-nice neighbor is one who thinks he can use your driveway any time he feels like it. A not-so-nice neighbor won’t respect boundaries (planting in his neighbor’s yard and standing within a few feet of a neighbor’s house smoking). All neighbors should think about what they put in their yards and whether these things make the whole neighborhood look bad.”

‘Good Friend Material Is A Plus’

Many readers seem to have escaped the scourge that is the “annoying neighbor.”

“I wish I had known how helpful they would be to me,” said Pennsylvania Patch reader Big Auntie, who lives in Ernest. “I would have bought this house sooner, because it was empty for a while.”

Big Auntie said good neighbors are like family.

“They’re there whenever you need them and even when you don’t need them. In other words, they aren’t nebby but they care!”

Massachusetts Patch reader S. said good neighbors are “friendly, thoughtful of others, helpful and there in a pinch.”

“They discipline their kids (and pets where possible) to respect others’ property. Good friend material is a plus,” the reader said. “My sister actually moved because new neighbors let their young children play on her high deck, peering into her den, and in her flower gardens.”

‘We Were Ganged Up On’

Overall, readers talked about the importance of boundaries, whether physical or personal.

“A good neighbor respects property boundaries; a bad neighbor has no boundaries,” said Clinton (Connecticut) Patch reader Gigi.

Elaborating, Gigi said, “We once had our property marked out by a surveyor so we could improve our property and stay within our boundaries. We were ganged up on by two of our bordering neighbors who insisted a certain fence belonged to one of them. I came home one day and caught both the neighbors screwing multiple signs into the fence that was on my property. One of them pitched a tent alongside of the fence on my property, had multiple cameras on tripods set up. Come to find out, one of them had a camera setup facing our driveway so they knew exactly when we were home or not.”

Gigi and her family just moved to Clinton, “and we now have wonderful neighbors,” she said.

Several readers said good neighbors are people who depend on each other in emergencies and generally help each other out, but aren’t clingy and desperate for friendship.

“A good neighbor is one who is not always on your door-step, respects your privacy but who will give a helping hand if needed, such as snow removal for the elderly after a bad storm or bringing a prepared meal if the neighbor is terribly sick and unable to do it themselves,” said Laguna Niguel-Dana Point (California) Patch reader Julie, who lives in Saskatchewan, Canada.

“Little things like checking the home of the neighbor while they are away on holidays is also very helpful,” she continued. “But primarily it is minding your own business, Love your neighbor as you love yourself and do unto to others as you would have them do unto you.”

If Only They’d Known

Alpharetta-Milton (Georgia) Patch reader Ann said good neighbors offer to keep an eye on each other’s property when they’re out of town, keep the noise to a minimum, are mindful of intrusive light or anything else that might affect their neighbor’s quality of life.

Bad neighbors, on the other hand, “have no regard for the environment around them and the impact of their actions on others who seek to live in harmony with the community.” Ann said.

She wishes she’d known before she moved to the neighborhood “that their hobbies and work involves multiple cars and trucks that they park throughout the community.”

Ann also wishes someone had told her “that the neighborhood chat is used more to berate neighbors vs. assist and help them.”

Brookline (Massachusetts) Patch reader Lulu would like to have known about neighbors who are “closet racist/anti-Christian,” and Dunedin (Florida) Patch reader Bobby wishes he’d known about his neighbors’ political attitudes before moving in. Sparkle, a Massachusetts Patch reader wasn’t thrilled to be living around a few people “who use leaf blowers for hours year-round.”

St. Charles (Illinois) Patch reader Jan would like to have known about the hoarders next door.

“It became repulsive over 30 years next to them,” Jan said. “They did not maintain their property, an eyesore in the neighborhood.”

Brick (New Jersey) Patch reader Rebecca wishes she’d known more about her neighbors before she moved in. She thinks friendliness is a trait of good neighbors, but said her neighbors fail miserably in that respect.

“I wish they weren’t so nosy. They put notes in my mailbox if they had a problem instead of coming to us face-to-face,” she said, adding, “They have bratty kids.”

Good neighbors mind their own business said Eleanor, a Massapequa (New York) Patch reader. Also, “They don’t call the police every time you have band practice 5 p.m. to 8 p.m.”

“Bad neighbors are noisy after 10 p.m. and before
7 a.m.,” said Nashua (New Hampshire) Patch reader TB. “They don’t take care of their property.”

Being a good neighbor means “simply observing courtesy rules: No blaring music after dark, discussing ahead of time ongoing home services that could be impactful, picking up after the dog on a shared driveway,” said Tisha, who reads Annapolis Patch and Edgewater- Davidsonville Patch, both in Maryland.

“Good neighbors are quiet. Bad neighbors don’t care who they disturb. They let their kids scream, play in the street, and trespass,” said a Falls Church, Virginia, resident who reads McLean Patch and Falls Church Patch. The person cleared this up, too:

“I was here first.”

‘Explain Their Existence’

Bowie (Maryland) Patch reader Carol said there’s a time for friendliness, and isn’t when the neighbors have settled in for the night.

“A bad neighbor is someone who knocks on your door at 9:30 pm and expects you to answer. And they haven't even moved next door yet! Never came back at a decent hour to explain their existence to the neighborhood or to apologize for startling my family,” Carol said.

“I wish I had known my neighbor was an alcoholic, coke addict, had PTSD and was well known to security,” an Upper West Side (New York) Patch reader said. A good neighbor, the person said, is one who is respectful and considerate and follows building rules.”

Good neighbors are friendly and want to get to know each other, are responsible dog owners who control their barking or aggressive behavior toward people walking by, and abide by city ordinances, said Lakeville (Minnesota) Patch reader Bob.

However, “wish I’d known about any businesses they were running out of their homes that disrupt the neighborhood,” Bob said. “Also wish I’d known the local church would bring bands outdoors and play loud music with enough bass that it would penetrate all your walls.”

Marie, a West Hartford (Connecticut) Patch reader, said good neighbors take pride in their property. She wishes she’d known her neighbors “would let their house fall apart but buy a Mercedes, a new car, a motorcycle and abuse alcohol and drugs while raising their children.”

Condos Are Another World

Desired traits of neighbors, and the opposite, are different for people separated by only a wall or a hallway versus green space and streets.

Ginny, an Oak Park-River Forest (Illinois) Patch reader, said it would have been nice to know she was living next to someone “who listens through walls and peeks through windows of the condo building.”

Darlene, a Concord (New Hampshire) Patch reader, has experience with both good and bad neighbors in her complex.

“Good neighbors are friendly but respect privacy,” Darlene said. “Bad neighbors are inconsiderate to those in the apartment below them.”

Across America Patch reader Toni wishes she’d known how lackadaisical the homeowners association was before she moved in.

“Wish I’d known the HOA does not enforce any rules in the neighborhood and there is no property management company, so the HOA does what they want when they want,” Toni said. “ Zero communication unless they want their dues.”

A Royal Oak (Michigan) Patch reader who went through “eight years of hell” at a condo said it’s important to get involved in homeowner groups to make sure rules are enforced.

• From the Block Talk archives: The Definitive List Of Annoying Neighbor Traits

About Block Talk

Block Talk is an exclusive Patch series on neighborhood etiquette — and readers provide the answers. If you have a topic you'd like for us to consider, email beth.dalbey@patch.com with “Block Talk” as the subject line.

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